Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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