covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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