I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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