ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
