I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
