I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
