whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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