eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
