You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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