At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
BRING THE BAGELS
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
