i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
