IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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