You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
