I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
