Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
