My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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