tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I understand Curling. That high.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
