i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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