you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"