Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."

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(303): View more from Colorado

We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it

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(203): View more from Connecticut

spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.

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The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(419): View more from Ohio

I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?

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(714): View more from California

You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying

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(513): View more from Ohio

Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.

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(850): View more from Florida

I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot

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(815): View more from Illinois

I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law

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