All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
