...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap