this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.