I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper