My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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