i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
