if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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