margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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