You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
