He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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