just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
ttyl tear gas
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
how does that bad decision feel?
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