apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
