a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
