she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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