you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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