Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
