I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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