I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
