I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
