About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
