Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
