3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
