More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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