According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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