nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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