paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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