me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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