Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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