i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
