it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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