Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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