the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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