I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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