Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
