There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
