So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
