Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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