I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize