Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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