You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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