That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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