she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
