i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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