omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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