Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
