just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
