Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
there is glitter all over my balls
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
