we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
