I cannot find my penis.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
