I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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