I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
