You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
