Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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