gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
