I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
