guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
