it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
